The Final Shareholder Report: Headlines & Hearings

The crisis has gone public.

The meme cycle is accelerating.
Congress wants answers.
And Jenkins? Jenkins is trending.

This expansion to The Final Shareholder Report introduces three new phases of catastrophic accountability:
Media Monitoring (track the Outrage Velocity Index)
Congressional Hearings (survive the decked-out inquisition)
Post-Hearing Damage Control (deploy AI-generated statements that say everything and nothing)

All powered by a standard 54-card deck—Clubs, Spades, and Hearts drive the narrative. Jokers? They break it.

Includes:

• Full Phase 6–8 rules

• OVI escalation system

• Card-based chaos engine

• AI narrative spin protocol

• “The Handbook's Discovery” case study: a printer queue mishap turned congressional scandal

• The Jenkins Clause™

• Optional transparency drinking rules (not legally required, but spiritually essential)

“If it’s not trending, it didn’t happen.
If it’s not in the release, it never happened.
If Jenkins is blamed three times, he becomes real.”

Corporate denial never looked so good.